I know I am late posting this, but I couldn’t be more happy for Eve. I absolutely love to see black women making quality choices in life and love, and having seen so many women in my family marry down, the value of finding a quality partner can’t be overstated.
Some of you may know, due to my blogging in support of No Wedding, No Womb, that I had a baby out of wedlock as a teenager and grew up in a single parent home, and though my son was able to escape much of the reality I witnessed through adoption, the memories still linger for me of the circumstances surrounding his birth and the nightmare of those early years.
Too often, I see white American men and women being able to take advantage of existing within a marriage and family-centered culture. Yet, the emphasis in the black community both in the media and in many social environments seems to be focused on highlighting out of wedlock births, low marriage rates, struggle and dead beat or negligent parenting. Luckily, one can tune out the low class, dead end cultural values and shift their focus to the positive messages and circumstances that affirm life.
I wish there was more emphasis on healthy marital unions and parenting efforts on the part of both blacks in same race relationships and in interracial partnerships. I was fortunate the reality I witnessed growing up wasn’t strong enough to prevent me from choosing better for my son.
Black women don’t have to marry low quality men, even if that is the prevailing demographic that they’ve been socialized to interact with. Eve is a wonderful example of the great possibilities out there for women who know their worth and are willing to expand their horizons. Other examples include Tina Turner and Tamar Braxton, who are both are black women who didn’t accept diminished outcomes for themselves.
Recently, I read Condoleeza Rice’s memoir, and I really enjoyed learning more about her life. The only detail that disappointed me about her experience was that she mentioned her preference to perhaps remain single if she didn’t fulfill her expectation to marry a black man. It made me sad, because I think if a woman wants to be married, she should not limit herself to being single on the account of race. Though there may be few black American men who have achieved a degree of success on par with her accomplishments, there are many of powerful and/or accomplished men in the global village who could potentially be a quality partner for her. Perhaps one of them, though not black, could have provided her with a loving partnership that, as she implored Piers Morgan in 2011, is a “marriage of equals”.
Yet and still, I don’t profess to have a clue about the inner workings of her experience and her choices in the relationship arena. She brushed over the topic in her book and didn’t expound on whether her career and/or other factors influenced her marital status.
So, now I’ll go back to minding my own business about that topic, but, the romantic in me still wants to see her get hitched. Lol!
Single ladies, I know that sometimes life points to the fact that you can’t escape the diminished outcomes that are too often promoted for black women in the mass media (LHHATL, etc), but my hope is that you will not allow your fears, familiarity or old patterns to cause you accept a poor reality for yourself. Partner with trash and you will immediately sign up for diminished life outcomes such as constant cheating, abandonment, single parenting, overwork, usury, verbal and physical abuse, and/or other abuses. You and I both know you deserve more. You deserve a good life, so keep reaching for it.
Wishing Eve and her husband a quality marriage filled with lots of blissful moments and longevity!!
Originally posted on dimunitivediva:
Black power is for black men. It was a hashtag that started trending on Twitter on August 13th, 2013. Through tweets Black women gave voice to our struggle at the…
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Originally posted on Abagond:
I am writing this post because an exchange over on the interracial relationship thread sparked a discussion on beauty. Anyone who knows me personally knows that a few years ago, I stopped buying Essence and Ebony magazine – basically any Black mainstream magazine. I also encouraged male family members to look beyond mainstream Black male magazines that featured Black women plastered half naked on the cover with what can usually be described as a scowl on their faces.
Here are the reasons I stopped buying mainstream Black magazines, listed below in no particular order:
1. Perpetuating Black Female Inferiority: Both Ebony and Essence magazines have featured the most negative stories about Black women and Black people in the past five years. You would think we can’t or are incapable of doing anything right. It also doesn’t help that they rarely ever feature Black academics, writers…
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Originally posted on TIME:
Fourteen Caribbean nations have resolved to sue their former colonizers — Britain, France and the Netherlands — for lingering harms that they attribute to the slave trade.
The AP reports that the leaders of the Caribbean Community, a regional consortium, adopted a 10-point plan that would seek an official apology, a cancelation of debts and assistance for cultural and educational institutions.
The regional consortium has hired British human rights firm Leigh Day to pursue the case. Leigh Day previously secured $21.5 million for Kenyans who were tortured under Britain’s colonial era government.
Let’s be honest: There is a lot that needs to be done for the U.S. to truly embody its “greatest nation on Earth” mantra. It’s tragic that there isn’t more authentic institutional will toward seeing our systems and human capital being leveraged in a more meaningful way. However, I know it’s easy to complain without action or contribution toward making the nation greater. Even if one’s contributions are only a small drop in the very large pond of life, those contributions are far greater than the inertness of bitterness and apathy.
Please see Filip Spagnoli’s post HERE…
The “Same As It Ever Was” post has stuck with me for several days. I spoke to an aunt about the lack of African American economic progress as a demographic in the U.S., and she discussed how racism is institutional in the United States from the board room, courtroom, educational system and beyond. It’s systemic, predatory, and ultimately views the interests of Black people to have access to life, liberty and the pursuit of property as a collective to be an affront to the interests of long-term white supremacy. I know that this is true, though there may be many who choose to overlook the facts that support this reality because taking a counter position benefits them. From slavery and slave rebellions to Jim Crow Laws to Black Wall Street to Regina Kelly v. John Paschall in Hearne, Texas to Emmett Till, Jordan Davis and others who where unjustifiably exterminated and to the enduring tragedy of unequal protection under the law (see Stand Your Ground Law controversy), we are not meant to thrive. We are not meant to be equipped compete and systematically from before conception to the moment we take our last breath, as a collective, we are at a disadvantaged. Our own pathology in certain segments of our “racial” group (including self-hatred, violence, misogyny, lack of strong community, family and personal values, criminality in the face of socioeconomic apartheid, and etc.) only then further to aid the forces against us in the interest of white economic/resource dominance.
Am I saying that the challenges and limitations experienced by some is true for all “Black” Americans” on a micro scale? Absolutely not. There are those who are able to navigate the system and excel; the oft invisible upper echelons of black society. The truth is, however, that even with the successes of a few, far too many of us experience poor quality of life outcomes. It’s sad to watch people who share my “race” perish from not only a lack of knowledge but also from a lack of access to power/resources. What can be done? How can someone change what they lack the power to change? Does one die trying or does one divest from the woes of the collective in the interest of self-protection?
A segment of black women who have realized how stacked the deck is against the Black collective and, more importantly to some, black women and children in specific, have chosen to save themselves and those they love. I can’t harbor resentment for them for taking this position. It makes perfect sense on so many levels; self-preservation, intentional communities, intentional allies where otherwise there would be none.
But I am not sure that I can turn and walk away without exercising my awareness and disapproval of the matter. Something inside of me would die a thousand times over and on top what has already been lost. I come from a long line of truly strong women who have endured and asserted themselves even while they have not possessed and/or exercised enough savvy to overcome the diminished outcomes intended for them. How can I not defiantly and indignantly stare back at that which stands menacingly before me and refuse to retreat?
Originally posted on dimunitivediva:
Earlier this evening Florida jurors deadlocked in the Jordan Davis slaying. Michael Dunn was convicted on the lesser charges of second-degree attempted murder and firing into the SUV that Davis and his friends were in. There have been many comparisons to the George Zimmerman trial. While the outcome of that trial left me despondent, my reaction to the Dunn verdict was more restrained. It’s not that Davis’ life is any less valuable in my eyes. I just know better now. I’m no longer foolish enough to believe the hype. When I recall various episodes in our history I wonder why I ever had faith in America to begin with.
His name was George Stinney. I cannot see his face without feeling overcome with grief. George has shown up in my FB timeline frequently over the past year. The…
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